I am sitting here on the couch with a grateful heart and tiny baby feet kicking away in my stomach. Conference was just what I needed this weekend to give me some fresh perspective on motherhood. While diaper changes and kissing ouches and reading stories might seem trivial to some, it's the most important job and I'm not ashamed to say that it brings my heart the truest kind of joy. I am tired, but happy, overwhelmed at times, but very happy with the things that I am blessed to be overwhelmed with. Motherhood is the most sacred calling and I feel so very humbled to be pregnant a second time, with a second little girl. I feel like I love her so much already because I know how much I love my Elsie Lou.
I knew I was pregnant this time, before any test knew. In fact the tests said, you're crazy! But my body knew otherwise. It was the strangest thing, I just felt pregnant. When I finally got a positive test I was so relieved and happy! And then obvs I took 2 tests more just to be triple sure. We hadn't planned this pregnancy but I don't think the timing could be any better. I loved this person right from the start. At 7 ish weeks I thought we had lost the baby. I had a lot of cramping one night, which I had to work so very hard not to worry over, but the next day there was lots of blood. I was a mess. I was devastated. But then it just stopped. I had to wait the longest weekend of my life for blood tests to confirm that my hcg level was still rising, and it was. I tried not to get my hopes up until an ultrasound at 8 weeks, where I saw that tiny little baby and got to hear that tiny little heart beating. My heart hurts for mommas everywhere who don't have the same outcome. I was cautious with my excitement after that, but I have decided I can't let my fears get in the way of being happy an enjoying this pregnancy! The dr.'s say everything looks healthy and good!
This time around, despite my early concerns has been a lot less stressful. I was in school and student teaching when I was pregnancy with Elsie and I really struggled. She was born with little wrinkles on her forehead hich I attributed to all of my worries. This time, I know there is absolutely nothing I can do besides have faith and pray! And there is comfort in that. Once you convince your mind of that, there is a lot of peace. You just have to enjoy each day.
This pregnancy has been very different than the first time around! for starters, I don't have the dark line running up the center of my tummy. I thought it would never go away, and now I can't even tell where it was. I was throwing up sick with my Elsie girl till 20 weeks, this time just until 13 or 14, with the occasional nauseas morning here and there. It was a lot easier to be sick the first time! It really scared Els and she would cry and there were even a few times she even slammed the toilet lid on my head! You can't wallow with a toddler, you just have to brush your teeth and keep going! That unless brushing your teeth makes you sick, too! Which sadly, for me, it did. Direct ticket to puke town. Every. Time. Also, I did not put off maternity clothes. The day my pants got tight around my middle, I busted out the stretch pants. I just want to be comfortable! Comfort first, people.
Now for some Elsie Lou at 19 months talk! No need for a smooth transition between topics because uh she is just so stinking amazing. I have mentioned we are all convinced she is the best/most beautiful/smartest little cookie. And the new little antics need to be recorded before they slip my mom brain, like the pitcher of lemonade I found in the pantry, and how I just could not remember how to spell pitcher. There are just so many things! Including her extensive food vocabulary. I am sure every first time parent feels this way, but when she uses a new word in the correct context and says it right, my mind is always blown. Last night I woke up to a tiny voice at 4 am saying "poop! poop!" I walked to her crib in the dark and patted her bum to see if there was indeed a poop- there was not- but her jammies and crib were soaked in pee. Thank you, parents choice diapers. I got her new clothes and a new dipe- left the pee crib for morning ( it's not gross at 4 am) and tucked her into bed with me. She settles down and then puts her face close to mine and says, "toes!" Her toes weren't covered by the blanket. She is just a communicator and works really hard to put her thoughts and feelings into words. Like today she came into the kitchen and said "Help you." I nearly died. It was the cutest thing ever ever, even if it meant dinner took twice as long to make. She says new words everyday. She loves nursery rhymes, her new favorite is "mo mo" which in Elsie means once there was a snow man. She likes ring around the rosey, and she spins around and falls down and demands more and more. She is a girly girl, and often asks for a bow in her hair. She loves to be outside, loves to have stories read to her, loves fruits and veggies, and is currently obsessed with the toilet. I was in the kitchen and she comes in a dumps a cup of water on the floor, I go through my whole "Oh no, lets's clean it up!" mommy business when it hits me that I did not give her the cup of water. I walk to the bathroom- it's soaked. It's toilet water. She was having a ball dumping it all around!! Insert exasperated emoji face. She is doing really well with her glasses, and likes to lift them up, look at you and say "peek a boo!" She is just my sunshine. With the exception of teething days, which are very hard and sad!! She used to be really good at only having a binky for sleep, and I am not sure when it happened but it was a slippery slope to binky addiction and we had a serious binkaholic on our hands. I was truly afraid to dial it back and take it from her! It took a few days to gather the courage, but she is doing so well and only asks for it when she is tired. I think she is much happier not having the silly thing to worry about during the day. This stage is SO MUCH FUN. She is seriously just my tiny pal. She is very affectionate and is so sweet with her baby dolls! I hope it extends to a baby sister. She keeps us laughing, our Elsie Lou. I am so very very grateful I get to be her momma.
