This post is about to get really real. This month I thought that possibly my birth control had malfunctioned. Due to a number of factors of which I will spare you. And I spent the last 3 weeks both horrified and and at the same time intrigued, excited, and borderline obsessed. But then mainly I just started to panic. I just dumped my life savings into my education which I JUST started. Husband will be gone all winter farming with the elephants and lions. And 9 months without diet coke? Could I do that? Was I ready for fat pants? All these thoughts plagued me. Little baby socks? So cute. Pregnancy stories? Horrifying. You get stitches where!? Do I even need to mention that both my mother and her cat are expecting right now, and how that would be far too much pregnancy for one family? I'm not in the mood to father of the bride 2 it up.
And then finally I went to the awkward isle of rite aid, which is the place you go if you need something awkward and want none to see you . Walgreens also works. I grabbed a box. Of the pee sticks. And got to the cash register.. and felt the need to explain , "it's ok, I'm married.." even though I am sure she couldn't care less.. but was probably pretty amused by my stammering and red cheeks.
So I did the deed, and let me say, the blue dash filled me with relief and happiness. Cheers to skinny jeans, full nights of rest, and giving kids back to their parents at the end of the day. And diet coke, obviously.
I want to be a mother more than anything, and I plan of having all my cutie patootie babies before I turn 30, but this experience reaffirmed to me that I am not quite ready. I still need mothering on occasion myself. I went over to my mom's house before church last week, and she discovered tooth paste on my jacket ( this really happens more than it should) and a thread hanging off my dress. Which she took care of. See? I would just wander about looking unkept and toothpasted without that lady.
Well my friends, I am off to do some learnin'! I will make you feel more awkward and uncomfortable at a later time I am sure.
byee
